The summer is coming with expectations – of quality time, rest, travel, and adventure. Forgetting to discuss it all with your partner before the summer is a common mistake.
For couples with deep-seated problems, the summer can be the final nail in the coffin, says relationship expert Charlotte Sander.
A couple sits and talks about how much they look forward to the summer. Above their heads, thought bubbles hover. In them, two completely different things are visible.
It's so important to talk about your expectations for the summer and vacation, says Per Carlbring, professor of psychology at Stockholm University, after painting the picture of the longing couple.
Detailed planning is not necessary – but it's good to ask what your partner is looking forward to, so you don't have completely different pictures. Then you can adapt and compromise, Carlbring means.
Charlotte Sander, relationship expert and certified therapist, thinks it's good to include the children in the conversation if you have any. After the summer, you can have a conversation about how it turned out.
Then you'll find it easier to function, you meet and actually strengthen the team feeling.
Don't dig into problems during the summer
On the other hand, the summer is not always the right time to solve problems. Charlotte Sander thinks that the need for rest and recovery is great during the summer, and collides with digging into the challenges of the relationship.
If you're well aware of your problems, you can instead be proactive and jointly decide to tackle them in the fall – and then try to put aside quarrels and problems and enjoy each other and the summer.
For it's important to prioritize each other and do things together when you finally have time, she emphasizes. But not necessarily all the time.
You don't need to be glued together 24/7, but actually divide yourself a bit. If you have the opportunity, it can give a lot of new oxygen to the relationship.
A year-round job
The summer can also be a time when it becomes clear that the relationship doesn't work.
That's why the divorce statistics go up after the summer. When you finally relax, a lot of feelings come up, and then you have to try to meet in that when you're not used to it, explains Charlotte Sander.
It's important not to let the relationship go on autopilot for the rest of the year, Carlbring means, and rely on the vacation and summer to solve the problems.
You shouldn't take each other for granted, but put in the effort all year round, he says.
Per Carlbring, professor of clinical psychology at Stockholm University and licensed psychologist and psychotherapist, has three tips for keeping the relationship alive:
To touch each other in everyday life and show physical signs of affection.
To be curious about your partner and dare to confide in each other.
To focus on the positive and not the negative in the relationship.
