As early as when 28-year-old Ylva Nerdell was a young teenager, she saw suicide as "the solution to lean on if everything goes to hell". In the autumn of 2021, she made the decision.
One felt such emptiness and darkness inside that one got physical pain. It was like someone was pushing one forward, she says in her living room sofa in her Stockholm apartment.
Kept her thoughts to herself
Since her teenage years, she has had contact with psychiatry and occasionally had "a pharmacy" at home in the bathroom cabinet. She became a mother in 2018 and felt inadequate, in 2020 she separated from her son's father, and 2021 was marked by family conflicts – at the same time as she worked and studied. She had lost herself.
That autumn day, she had contact with a friend who in turn got in touch with Ylva's mother – who was already on her way to her daughter. At the hospital, Ylva slept for almost two days. She had never previously told anyone about her suicidal thoughts.
In some way, one wanted to tell someone, that someone would know about it. But at the same time, one has a lot of shame and guilt around it. One doesn't know how it will be received.
Suicides increased last year from 2022, mainly among young people between 15 and 24 years old, where the number went from 115 to 137 people. Ylva sees social media as one of the problems, where profiles show a perfect picture of life.
It's hard to compete with that. It's some kind of ideal, how you should present yourself, be happy and happy. It's a small fantasy world. It's dangerous.
A turning point?
A suicide attempt can lead to two choices, according to Ylva. A new attempt or, as it became for her, a turning point.
For the first time, "she let go of everything" and took sick leave. She got to know herself and her feelings. Later, she gradually increased her work hours, which was marked by nervousness.
I thought that I had done everything one can do around this and what is it that I haven't tried? Talking about it. It opened up quite a few discussions, she says with determination.
You are not alone, even if you in the darkness feel like you are the most alone in the world and nothing will get better. It's some kind of comfort in a strange way, that there are others who feel crap.
Now she carries the insight that "life can still be quite fun to live".
Today, one sees life more as having good days with bad days, that it's not a bad life with good days.
Suicides have steadily decreased in Sweden since the 1990s. According to statistics up to 2020, it has decreased by an average of 0.5 percent per year over the past 20 years.
The decrease has occurred in the group of 45 to 64 years old and those over 65 years old. There, the decrease has occurred by an average of 1 percent per year. Among men over 65 years old, the decrease is almost 2 percent. Men over 65 years old are, however, the group with the highest suicide rates compared to other age groups, followed by men between 45 and 64 years old.
The decrease over time does not apply to the group of 15 to 24 years old or women between 25 and 44 years old. Instead, suicides have increased by about 1 percent per year over the past 20 years.
More people between 18 and 29 years old compared to the rest of the country have experienced suicide or suicide attempts among their friends, according to a Novus survey this year.
Most of those who take their lives are boys and men. Last year, 1,132 men died by suicide. A total of 1,617 people died by suicide in 2023, which is an increase from the previous year when 1,569 died.
Source: National Centre for Suicide Research and Prevention, Suicide Zero
In acute situations or when thinking about suicide, always call 112.
Here you can turn to if you're feeling unwell:
Mind.se.
Suicide Zero. suicidezero.se.
Spes, the national association for suicide prevention and aftercare. spes.se.
BRIS, Children's Rights in Society. bris.se.
Save the Children. raddabarnen.se. Also for parents.
Anonymous Alcoholics. aa.se.
Jourhavande kompis. jourhavandekompis.se. Receives calls from children and young people up to 25 years old.
Jourhavande medmänniska, reachable at night on 08–702 16 80.
Friends. friends.se.
1177. Healthcare guidance and information about the nearest psychiatric emergency department.
