Images from the summer cottage, foreign vacations, parties, and successful family gatherings. Summer is the high season of envy - how do we tackle that feeling? The psychologist offers advice.
As herd animals, we humans compare ourselves to each other. Keeping our antennae out to understand what is valued and gives status is an important part of social dynamics. There are certain litmus tests when it comes to success, and vacation can be one of them, says psychologist Siri Helle:
We tend to become more envious when it's someone who reminds us of ourselves.
A influencer going to Mauritius can be met with a shrug. "It could have been me" makes it much tougher. Social media adds an extra dimension.
Many show off the highlights for obvious reasons, says Helle.
Someone close to us can tell us that the wonderful family celebration at the summer cottage actually involved a lot of quarrels. We don't get to know that on social media.
Get into the feeling
What mood we're in plays a role in how we experience the flow.
It's very common to pick up your phone when you feel bored and a little lonely. Then meeting this flow of happy vacationers can become extra tough, says Helle.
When envy strikes, it's good to get into the feeling and reflect on it.
Be completely honest with yourself: I feel envious. What triggers this envy?
In that way, we can find out what we long for. If it's company, an outing can be planned. A trip can be included in the next vacation planning - even if it's not to Mauritius.
When we become envious, we focus all our energy on what we don't have. Then it suddenly feels like "I have nothing". That's why gratitude can be effective, if you see the whole spectrum, says Helle.
Not just sunshine
For many, summer is a time when dreams should come true. It can lead to high expectations and feelings of not making the most of the time. Then it's good to be reminded that one's health and well-being is about the whole life, says Helle.
There's another thing to think about when it comes to social media.
— You can be a little generous and contribute to a more authentic flow. Not just sharing umbrella drinks and sunsets.
1. Acknowledge the feeling. It usually subsides after a minute. Denying and wrestling with it can lead to rumination.
2. Turn envy into self-insight. What am I envious of?
3. Plan fun things. Even if it's not exactly what you're envious of, it's often better than sitting at home.
4. Replace mindless scrolling. Have a newspaper, mobile game, or TV series at hand. Remove the apps during the vacation.
5. Practice gratitude. Write down what you're grateful for before you go to bed.
Source: Siri Helle, psychologist, author, and lecturer
